Influencer: Big Men Edition - Joshua R. Pangborn
Photography By: Catalin Media (Instagram: @catalinmedia)
Joshua R. Pangborn's ambition is to entertain the world by making engaging, humorous, motivational, sex positive Queer and fat-positive web series material. Sidekick Productions is going to great lengths to ensure that people and other creators understand that being chubby is sexy.
In this interview, Joshua talks why he established Sidekick Productions, his journey to body positivity, and the future of Sidekick Productions.
If you want to learn more, check out his interview below.
The Man Behind The Web-series
In 2010, my play, All Folked Up, was accepted into a theatre festival. It was one of those festivals where you had to produce your own work, but I was ready for the challenge (I had had a theatre company a few years back and knew the work that went into mounting a production). That being said, I knew if I was going to go through the trouble of forming a new company, I needed to do so with a purpose. I’d always been drawn to supporting characters and sidekicks (Robin is my favorite superhero). I also knew fat actors were only ever cast in supporting roles. And that’s when I realized I wanted to focus on making a company dedicated to size-blind casting: casting actors for roles regardless of body type. So SideKick Productions was born.
Now, fast forward a few years and I have refined my vision for the company–I’m not blind to my casting choices, not anymore. I make conscious decisions to cast fat actors in lead roles, in romantic roles, in sexy roles, in action roles. In all roles. I’m also consciously choosing to call the company a fat-positive company. I don’t think fat is a bad word, and we shouldn’t be ashamed to be fat. We should embrace it, and share it. It makes people uncomfortable (much as my conscious choice to use the word queer instead of LGBT+ or gay). But the discomfort will hopefully make them think, and make them grow. And in the meantime, they’ll appreciate the incredible performances by our queer, fat performers.
I’ve been telling stories since I was child. It’s just who I am; I’m a storyteller. I can’t remember a time I didn’t want to tell stories. Now, I’m also impatient, and I don’t want to wait for others to tell my stories. I also knew no one was interested in telling the stories I wanted to tell. So if no one else was going to tell my stories on a timeline that was acceptable to me, I had to do it myself. Seemed like the only option!
The first piece of content I ever created was a poem which was published when I was a kid. It was from one of the many unfinished novels I had started. After that, I wrote a play about Greek Gods when I was in the 8th grade that my friends and I filmed, then another movie about drug abuse in 10th grade, but my first “real” project was in my junior year of college when I wrote my play, All Folked Up. I never knew that five years later this play would be the impetus for the creation of SideKick Productions!
I never thought I would be a filmmaker. I always figured I’d be working in the theatre all my life (I double majored in English and Theatre in undergrad). But, when I decided to transition to filmmaking, I had to learn it all from scratch. I am a self-taught editor (thank you, YouTube!). I knew directing from the theatre, but all the technical stuff I had to learn on my own. And I’m still learning, but I’m loving it. And every year we get better and better.
90s genre fiction from television is probably one of my main influences. Buffy especially. But other than that, classic literature has always been at the core of what I do. Writers like Tennessee Williams and Neil Simon formed the foundation of my dramatic inspiration. For filmmakers, Kevin Smith is probably one of the most influential voices I have.
I think we all want to stand out from the crowd. There are so many people out there these days making content, it’s hard to find an audience. But I also think what I do, no one else does. We’re, to the best of my knowledge, the only queer, fat-positive production company out there. Every story we tell is queer and fat-positive. Every story we tell uses actors you just don’t see in other media. Not because they can’t be seen there, but because the creators are choosing to cast mainstream looking performers. And when people reach out to me, they talk to me about how much they love and appreciate seeing people who look like them on screen.
But, beyond all of this, I think our stories stand out. We tell stories no one else is telling. And whenever I can, I always make sure people know this. We’re weird, we’re wacky, and we’re unique. I’ve won back to back awards at the Baltimore Web Fest dedicated to how unique and out of the box our stories are. I’m terrible at marketing, but I try hard to stand out from the crowd and make people realize SideKick Productions is something worth watching.
I can’t point to any one moment. I just know this is what I have always wanted to do. I can’t imagine ever stopping. My mother once asked me if it was worth it (the implication being becuase I’m not “successful” yet). I told her of course it was. How could I do anything else? When people tell me I work too hard, or too much, or need to take time for myself, they don’t understand–this is my life. Creating queer, fat-positive content–this is who I am. This is who I will always be.
Actually yes! Not only is more Skeleton Crew and Demon Doctor coming, but I have a new series coming out in 2023, a feature film, and three new series in development (along with two feature films in development!). There is a lot of queer, fat-positive content coming your way soon!
Do it. Make that movie. Write that story. Sing that song. Choreograph that dance. With all the technology at our fingertips these days, the only thing holding you back is you. I promise you, if you have a strong vision, believe in the project you want to make, all you have to do is ask your friends for help and they will help you. But just do it. Today is the best day to follow your dreams. And again, never be afraid to ask for help.
I hope 10 years from now SideKick Productions is still making content, distributed by mainstream media and sharing our vision for a queer, fat-positive, sex-positive world to the masses.
Joshua R. Pangborn Gallery
Bears, Cubs & Chubs OH MY!!
The first time I was called a “fag,” was at home by family members. I had been talking about how romantic something was (I can’t remember what now, something like Romeo & Juliet), and the response from my family was to ask if I were a fag. I was about ten or eleven years old at the time, and up to that point I had never considered much about my sexuality. The word “fag” was lobbed at me frequently over the next year or so, anytime I brought up something that I guess my family attributed as “faggy.” I remember I had gotten a dream dictionary at some point when I was twelve, and along with the dictionary came a dream journal–the first entry I wrote was focused on my frustrations being called this name. I remember I closed out that first entry talking about how I didn’t know what I was, but I admitted there and then that I did wonder what it was like to “receive”--and that, there, is the moment I was able to start realizing what I was. From there, the questions and the stress and the fear crept in and I told myself I would just wait the five or six years until I went to college, then I would figure out what I was then. I didn’t need to worry about it until then. But then I remember being in gym class (I was probably almost thirteen at this point), and another boy changing made me stop and take notice. And I shouted in my mind, “fine, you’re gay, just deal with it.” And from that moment on I both lived in fear of being different, and found relief in not denying what and who I was.
Around 1998, another friend came out to me as bisexual, and I realized I could tell her about me. So I asked her to come into the costume closet (we were both in drama club), and I told her. I still joke that I brought her into a closet in order to come out of it. We had a mutual friend who was the only openly gay student in our school, and at the time I wanted him to like me (like me? Or “like me?” I don’t know). He told me I should come out to my mother for National Coming Out Day, so, I decided to do so in order to impress him. I learned in Teen People that a good way to come out was to write someone a letter, so that’s what I did–I wrote my mother a letter and left it for her before I went to school. The letter explained what I was, told her it wasn’t her fault, and joked that she shouldn’t have our cousin, a priest, exorcize me because I wasn’t possessed. That day was terrible–a blur of terror. When I came home, my mother told me she always knew, and that she was only worried about AIDS and gay bashers.
Eventually I told a handful of other friends, but was mostly in the closet through graduation. My mother told my father, but he and I have never talked about it, to this day. She also told my grandparents and my sister, and other family members–some of whom decided I might have HIV when I came down with a case of mono after my first year of college. I’m happy to say when I went to college, I did what I said I would do when I was younger–I was fully out and proud. And since then, I’ve truly embraced my queer identity. Not having a queer family or queer role models as a child has really shaped the kind of art I create–I want a world where queer kids don’t feel out of place, or worried about who they are, a world where they won’t be called a “fag” for believing in romance. And that’s the world I create with my work in SideKick Productions.
It took me half my life to get comfortable with my body. I grew up in a household where fat was bad, and where I was made to feel bad about myself because of my body. I was told to wear glasses with massive lenses to hide my face. I was told to wear my pants as high as possible to hide my belly. I was dressed in baggy clothing. I was placed on home-exercise equipment in an effort to make me skinnier. And of course, I internalized all of this and felt that I was the ugliest little queer kid in the country. Even my friends would make fun of my body–when I wore a toga to film a school project about Greek Gods, a friend laughed at me for having breasts. Another friend made fun of my body hair when I went swimming. All of this made me keep covered, and never change in front of others for fear of being seen.
When I discovered the bear and chub community, I didn’t think I was attractive. I knew people thought I was, but that didn’t mean I did. But as I got more exposed to the community, and as I heard more and more that people found me attractive, I realized maybe they were right after all. And if the mainstream community didn’t think I was attractive, that’s okay, because at least some people did, right? That didn’t mean I was comfortable being shirtless at the beach, but hey, it was a start. However, when I started acting professionally in my late 20s, I was cast in roles that required me to be shirtless. And then being shirtless and in my underwear around others–that became easier to do the more I did it. These people weren’t making fun of me. They were too busy working on their projects and tasks on set. And then we get to Skeleton Crew, and that’s when I really pushed myself. And as I grew more confident about displaying my body on screen, I realized I could do that anywhere. And now I do.
I dress in sheer shirts. I wear short shorts. I have all the pieces in my wardrobe I wanted to have as a child, but couldn’t out of fear. And I go shirtless at the beach. But more importantly than all of that–I realized it isn’t just in the bear and chub community that I’m attractive. I don’t need to qualify it with a descriptor. I’m attractive, in any community. And that’s why I work so hard to make queer, fat-positive art mainstream. Because fat is beautiful, and we shouldn’t be forced to pretend it isn’t because of society. Now, society may not be ready to agree with me on this, but I don’t care. At this point in my life, I know I’m right.
Hmm…I was probably around twelve, maybe thirteen. I was pretty young and pretty amazed that fat folk were attractive. I grew up in a home where fat was bad (I mean, who didn’t?), and there were so many times I was led to believe I was unattractive or bad or gross (etc.) because I was fat. But this community created a place for me to see myself as something more, and I’ll forever be grateful to it for that.
The bear community gives you a place to feel beautiful and attractive when others do not. It makes you feel that all the traits you have that you grew up hearing were ugly or wrong or needing to be changed are actually what make you special and desirable. I’ve found the community to be open-minded and supportive where other facets of the queer rainbow are not. I appreciate and welcome how sex-positive the community tends to be as well.
The bear community can be extremely cliquey, and if you are not in, you’re out. Facets of the community are too focused on appearance and what you have (or don’t have): muscles, beards, bellies. I’ve found aspects of the bear community are also fatphobic, and a chub is not welcome.
The community needs to broaden their definition of what a bear is. It also needs to confront its issues with race and ethnicity and welcome members from all backgrounds. And probably most importantly, it needs to stop pardoning problematic bears simply because they are attractive and popular.
You know, I actually don’t have any wild bear-related stories! At least, not that I didn’t make up for Skeleton Crew. Maybe I need to get out there more? To be honest, I don’t have a lot of time for Bear runs and bear events, but I realize I need to change that.
Joshua R. Pangborn Gallery
Photo 1-3 Photographer: Joshua R. Pangborn (Intagram: @sidekickproductions)
Photo 4-6 Photographer: Ashley Monique Menard (Instagram: @nowstarringashley)
Photo 7-9 Property Of: Mama Leather (Instagram: @mamaleathernyc) Photographer: Ibai Vigil-Escalera (Instagram: @ibaivigil)
Personality Has Power
This really depends on the person you ask–people who only know me from watching my shows probably think I’m extroverted and hypersexual. People who meet me without knowing my shows probably think I’m cold and unapproachable. I fall a lot more in the gray area between all of those. I’m not really an introvert or an extrovert, I’m a strong ambivert. I can slip into a character if needed, but the real Joshua handles one on one interactions a lot better than being thrust into a group setting, especially with people I don’t know. People who first meet me often think I’m Canadian due to my pronunciation (I’m from an hour south of the Canadian border on the US side)--this was pretty fun to learn actually! I had no idea I sounded like a Canadian until I moved to New York City. It’s such a conscious effort now when I say the word “sorry” (in character, as myself I’ll pronounce it the way I always have). I think a lot of people are also surprised my lisp is real (it’s faint but it’s present). I also think a lot of people expect me to be more masculine-presenting than I am (I know casting directors are always surprised I’m not that butch, bear of a fellow when they call me in for auditions).
Hmm…they would all be cast recordings of musicals, I can tell you that for sure. But I guess it depends on the mood you catch me in before I go. At the moment, I’d say the Original Broadway Cast recording of Sweeney Todd, the 2012 revival of Carrie the Musical, the 2005 Off-Broadway recording of Bat Boy the musical, maybe I’d be in the mood for the recording of Kinky Boots the musical, and I’d be silly not to bring along Dueling Pianos: A Skeleton Crew Musical’s original cast recording!
This is the hard part—I really rarely have free time. I work a day job that takes up about 9 to 10 hours a day (plus travel back and forth), and then when I get home it’s writing, editing, or meeting, and on weekends it’s acting. That doesn’t leave a lot of time for pretty much anything else. But when I do get the time, I love reading, I love watching films and theatre, I love friends (all really unique statements, I’m aware haha). I love Renaissance Faires, I love role playing games–I’m actually really excited because I was just cast in my first role playing game actual stream a few days ago, and it’s the first time I’m getting to role play in a very, very long time.
Wake up early and get to work on whatever I want without worrying about marketing or the day job–just get to spend the whole day acting, writing, editing, and making queer, fat-positive art with friends and family.
There’s Josh–he’s the queer, fat-positive guy who made queer, fat-positive art mainstream. Yeah, that would be pretty awesome! But if that’s not what I’m remembered as, at the very least I want people to remember me for making queer, fat-positive art that helped people and touched their lives.
In ten years I hope I’m working full-time as a filmmaker, actor, and artist. I don’t know if that will happen, but I know, no matter what, I’ll absolutely be making art, even if it isn’t full-time. And I’ll be doing it with my friends and family and the people I love.
Photography By: Spencer Pablo (Instagram: @howeverchubby )
Special Thanks
I'd like to thank Joshua R. Pangborn for taking the time and making the effort to conduct this interview with me.
I'm ecstatic to be able to ask him detailed questions and learn more about his content and personal life.
